#and clyde and sarah's strange but deeply loving relationship

[lookninjas]

I’m probably the only one who even wants this and the odds of me writing it aren’t likely but I can’t help thinking --

Logan Lucky/Ocean’s 8 crossover.

Debbie needs a +1 to her cousin’s wedding.  It takes her at least twenty minutes to convince Lou that it’s just a wedding, there is no job, there is no job within a job, no heist, just a wedding, in West Virginia, she hasn’t seen these people in forever, it’ll be weird, Lou please, and finally Lou resigns herself to going (and pining quietly over Debbie, forever pining over Debbie).  Debbie’s cousin is a one-handed bartender; his intended is a gorgeous woman with a strangely Clint Eastwood-esque voice who Lou is pretty sure was staking her out about three years back (she was, of course she was; Lou will never know how close she came to being arrested herself).  Everyone keeps mentioning “Charlotte,” as in “Charlotte Motor Speedway,” as in “There’s no way that heist wasn’t committed by one of Debbie’s relatives,” but then they all solemnly agree that it was insurance fraud and it’s a damn shame no one will ever do time for it and no one in Debbie’s family can commit that kind of crime without bragging so??? Also Daphne Kluger is around with some race car driver -- Darlton or Dalton or Dayton or whoever -- scouting locations for a movie, and everyone else starts showing up, and none of this seems weird for Debbie but all of it is weird for Lou (why is everyone talking about cauliflower all the damn time?) and then the ex-FBI agent who is marrying Debbie’s one-handed cousin sits Lou down and starts giving her surprisingly good romantic advice in that weird gravelly Clint Eastwood voice and when the crime starts up it is honestly, kind of a relief.

(I have no idea what the crime is going to be.  This, probably, is why I’ll never write it.  Heists just aren’t my thing.)

Anyway Nine Ball starts Sadie Logan down the path to being a hacker, Mellie hotwires something flashy (possibly an actual Indy car), Debbie is shocked to learn that “Fish Bang” is actually someone’s real name, no, really, and everything works out.  Clyde and Sarah get married, Lou and Debbie kiss.  There’s a fake arm somewhere in the background.  Cue the John Denver.

(I think I mostly just want the Logan family coming to the slow realization that Debbie and Lou have in fact not been dating all this time and then immediately setting about to fix this because someone has to and their luck is on a definite upswing lately so why the hell not?  And it works, obviously, so there you are.)